...view of a burning city

…death and all his friends

…i do not fear death in the traditional sense

…it is not the act of dying that i fear

…it is the concept that the year 9999 exists at the far end of the spectrum of time

…and i will not exist to see it

13 August 2009 • death misanthropy 9999 time dying exist

…other people’s lives seem much more interesting cause they ain’t mine

…we all play a role in our own little play that makes up our lives…I’m starting to understand that mine is the role of “misery receptacle”…I absorb misery so others can be happy…and I’m kinda fine with that…

8 June 2009 • misanthropy modest mouse misery receptacle

…last happiness

…there I am, standing at the MAX station waiting for the east-bound yellow line train; when across the street an angel in a white dress emerges from the building…a wedding had just taken place; and there was this woman, who didn’t look much older than myself, having her post-ceremony photos being taken; new husband at her side…

…this sight brought to mind a memory of one of two times in the last three years where I have really, truly, irrevocably felt happy…the first being when my daughter was born; the second (and the memory which was recalled) was my own wedding day…

…that memory will always stand as one of the last days where I truly felt like I was amongst the living; before misanthropy and loneliness engulfed my soul…

…I hope that couple standing there on what should be the happiest day of their lives realize just how good they have it…

5 June 2009 • last happiness MAX wedding love happy wedding day misanthropy loneliness soul angel white dress